Goodbye and Thank you !!

So this is my last post for this blog. I have to say that it was an experience and I enjoyed the feedback that I got for the posts that I put up. It was fun to dissect an issue and see where the issues lead. I have to say that this was a subject that was personal and it made me think about where it stands in my life. As of today it is a part of me being bisexual but it isn't such a big issue because I guess I'm on the "normal" side of the issue at the moment. At least that's how it seems members of the LGBTQ would see it. Which I think is sad, the fact that its something they have such a disdain for is ludicrous when its against members of their own community.
However its easy to see where their disdain may come from because like I said I am at the moment in a normal relationship. One of my classmates asked me if I would still identify as a bisexual and feel the need to tell people like my child in 20 years if I'm still happily married, yes I would. I've been bi since I was younger and I may be in a committed relationship with a man but I still find women attractive and that will never change.
I'm happy I got to do this blog and share my views with my peers. Thank you.

Should Lesbians, Gays, BISEXUALS, and Transgenders be allowed to be parents?

  First and foremost let me just say I think that there are straight people that shouldn't be parents! I don't think being a parent has anything to do with the gender of the person you decide to love. The fact is being a parent takes a certain type of person and unfortunately there are people in this world that do not deserve to be parents, but that is not based on their sexual preference its based on their actions toward their kids. When you raise your children you are the one that makes the best decisions for your children, and in the end it doesn't matter the gender of your spouse.

With the upcoming decision on Gay Marriage being held by the Supreme Court, the question on whether Gays and Lebians should have children is also coming into play. It makes sense to say if we allow them to marry we allow them to have kids. But why wouldn't you allow Gays and Lesbians to have children? I mean like I said before there are a whole lot of straight people that shouldn't even have kids. But I think the real question is, What do the kids have to say about it?

Children sometimes don't understand the way the world works until late in their childhood, at least for the lucky few. It might just be that these children of Gay and Lesbian couples don't even understand the difference because for them love is love.

For this little girl all she sees is love and sunshine in her family. 

The meaning behind her picture is no different than the meaning behind my own child's family portrait, it is all Love. 

There are some children however that realize the difference in their families and are willing to fight for those differences. "Nine-year-old Josef Miles and his mother, Patty Akrouche, were walking around the Washburn University campus in Topeka, Kan., on Saturday when they saw a group of Westboro Baptist Church protesters armed with signs. The Church is infamous for using pickets with phrases like 'God hates fags' and 'Thank God for dead soldiers.' After reading some of the signs on display, Akrouche said that Miles asked her if he could create one of his own. Using a small sketch pad, he wrote out his message in pencil and held it out while he stood across from the picket line.'GOD HATES NO ONE,' he wrote."9yr old takes a stand 

Josef must have known deep in his heart that it doesn't matter to God what gender his parents are, if they show him all the love he needs and give him all he needs then that is all that matters. 

Josef Miles 

So what are they saying about Gay marriage and Gay parents, well one Justice made himself pretty clear on where he stands:

 " JUSTICE SCALIA: Mr. Cooper, let me — let me give you one — one concrete thing. I don’t know why you don’t mention some concrete things. If you redefine marriage to include same-sex couples, you must — you must permit adoption by same-sex couples, and there’s – there’s considerable disagreement among — among sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a — in a single-sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not. Some States do not — do not permit adoption by same-sex couples for that reason." Justice Scalia 

So what are the professionals saying about Gay and Lesbian parents? Let's take a look. 

According to The American Academy of Pediatrics which released its newest study on March 21, 2013 there are 5 scientific reason why Gays and Lesbians make good parents. 

1. They choose to have kids. Many of us know that when in your in a straight relationship accidents happen and many times this leads to abortions, adoption situations, abuse, or for the lucky few it becomes a happy family. Gays and Lesbians don't have that opportunity they have to discuss it with one another and jump through hoops to find either someone to carry the child for them, someone who is willing to allow them to adopt their child, or find a sperm donor. They usually end up spending thousands of dollars to have a child when many straight couples can have them for free and some of them take that for granted. 

2. They nurture the neediest. Gay parents are a huge resource for kids awaiting adoption, particularly the neediest cases. In October 2011, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute found that 60 percent of gay and lesbian adoptive parents adopt across races, which is important because minority kids have a tougher time getting out of the foster system. And 25 percent of kids placed with adoptive gay and lesbian parents were older than 3 — also a tough age range to adopt. More than half of the kids had special needs. 5 reasons

3. They foster tolerance. This one for me is a big one. I mean look at the discrimination that Gays and Lesbians face on a daily basis, I believe that they will teach their children to not look at others they way they have been looked at. I think they will probably be some of the most open-minded kids out there. 

4. Their kids do fine in school. Kids of gay parents appear to do well academically, too. A review of all of the existing research on same-sex parents and their children, published in 2010, found that their grade point averages (GPA) were on par with kids of two-parent heterosexual homes. In a study comparing teens living in both types of households, boys of lesbian parents had an average GPA of 2.9, compared with 2.65 for boys of heterosexual parents. Teen girls raised by two moms had an average GPA of 2.8, compared with 2.9 for girls raised by a mother and father. (Because more lesbians than gay men have children, studies on the former are more common.)  5 reasons

5. They raise confident children. An upbringing in a same-sex household can give kids a boost of confidence. In a 2010 study published in the journal Pediatrics, researchers examined the kids of planned lesbian families, in which a single lesbian mother or two lesbian partners decided to have kids, in contrast to bringing them to the relationship from previous heterosexual partnerships. Like other studies of lesbian moms, this one found no significant differences from straight parents in kids' development and social behavior.5 Reasons

I put this scientific information up because its out there but I think its really sad that we need scientist to come together and figure out if Gays and Lesbians will be good parents. I feel that all we need to do is listen to the children that these laws actually affect, the ones that are in these families, they are the ones that know... 

                                    

As a mother I know that the gender of my spouse doesn't matter, that doesn't help them when they have booboos, or when they are sick, or when they need a hug. All that matters is that you love them and hold them safe where no one can harm them until its their turn to go out in this world. 

 My aunt Lisa, her Fiance Amber, and their two beautiful and happy girls. 

Family comes in many different forms, but Love, Love is universal 

There is no difference in the love of the families above to the love in my family. 

So what do you think?

A Movement, a long time in the making.

     The LGBTQ movement has been around for longer than most of us would think. It wasn't until the last 10 years or so where the LGBTQ movement has gotten a lot of media attention. The changes that this community has faced has been not only heartbreaking but awe inspiring.
      
     The history of this movement goes as far back as 1924 when the first known gay rights organization was established. Moving along to 1951 when Harry Hay, who is seen as the founder of the gay rights movement, formed the first national gay rights organization named The Mattachine Society.

   In 1962, the movement was granted the right to have sex with someone of the same gender in Illinois and it not be a crime. It was in 1969 when the gay rights movement began to take a turn due to riots broke out at a bar in New York's Greenwich Village, "A group of gay customers at a popular gay bar in Greenwich Village called the Stonewall Inn, who had grown angry at the harassment by police, took a stand and a riot broke out. As word spread throughout the city about the demonstration, the customers of the inn were soon joined by other gay men and women who started throwing objects at the policemen, shouting 'gay power'." Stonewall Riots This event sparked a turning point in the world of the LGBTQ community. They were gay and they wanted to be heard no matter the cost. In 1973 Homosexuality was taken off of the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders. It was also the year that a first out gay individual ran for a government position, Harvey Milk, ran for city supervision in San Francisco. In 1978 Harvey Milk was sworn in to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Harvey's first matter of business was to sponsor a civil rights bill that outlaws sexual orientation discrimination. However Harvey's fight for the LGBT community was short lived  Harvey was assassinated by Dan White, the man known in the Criminal Justice world for the "Twinkie defense".

  In 1980 political parties began to set forth their views on gays. "At the 1980 Democratic National Convention held at New York City's Madison Square Garden, Democrats took a stance supporting gay rights, adding the following to their plank: 'All groups must be protected from discrimination based on race, color, religion, national origin, language, age, sex or sexual orientation'."Timeline. In 1993 the "Don't ask, Don't Tell" policy was put into affect within the United States military, while it was meant to be as a protection for gays and lesbians in the military, it was the most horrific form of discrimination, in my opinion that they faced.  

   In 2000 Vermont became the first state to recognize the civil union between gays and or lesbians, which gave them the same rights and benefits as straight couples. 2003 was a big year, "The U.S. Supreme Court rules in Lawrence v. Texas that sodomy laws in the U.S. are unconstitutional. Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote, 'Liberty presumes an autonomy of self that includes freedom of thought, belief, expression, and certain intimate conduct.' In November of 2003, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that barring gays and lesbians from marrying violates the state constitution. The Massachusetts Chief Justice concluded that to “deny the protections, benefits, and obligations conferred by civil marriage” to gay couples was unconstitutional because it denied “the dignity and equality of all individuals” and made them “second-class citizens.” Strong opposition followed the ruling."Timeline 

  Fast forward to 2012 Maryland has become the eighth state to legalize gay marriage, "Don't ask, Don't Tell" has now been abolished by President Barack Obama. The President has also come out in support of gay marriage along with Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of Education Arne Duncan. 

  This week will be a very important week in the history of the LGBTQ movement. The US Supreme Court will be hearing two very important cases. "One is a challenge to the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (more commonly known as DOMA), which bars federal recognition of same-sex marriages. The other is a challenge of California's Proposition 8, a ban on same-sex marriage that was approved by voters in 2008." Same-Sex Marriage  

   The movement of this community is one that is history making. They have gone through so much to be able to live like everyone else and just be normal. I hope that one day they will finally just be excepted by everyone and allowed to live the lives they fight for with every step they take. 

Refrences:

1. Info Please. (2012). The American Gay Rights Movement: A Timeline. Retrieved March 23, 2013 from http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0761909.html

2. The Leadership Conference. (2009). Stonewall Riots: The Beginning of the LGBT Movement. Retrieved March 23, 2013.http://www.civilrights.org/archives/2009/06/449-stonewall.html.

3. U.S. News on NBCNEWS.com. (2013). Same-sex marriage's big day in court: What's at stake?. Retrieved March 23, 2013. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/03/23/17418817-same-sex-marriages-big-day-in-court-whats-at-stake?lite     

Really?....uhh NO!!

 We all know people like to say horrible statements. Things said about the LGBTQ community can sometimes be some of the worst comments. As all things go, the myths that are said have become ingrained in the brains of the family, friends, and community around these individuals. These myths can give people a false sense of knowledge in, for example, bisexuals and how they live. 

This video goes into some of the main myths about bisexuals. 

Here's what I think about a few of these:

1. Bisexuals are confused, they just don't know what they want? 
    Listen obviously people are going to say this because yes we like both men and women, but that doesn't mean that we don't know what we want. I love my husband but still find women attractive. I think that those individuals that are only attracted to the one sex can't understand this but hey I don't understand how men can be attracted to other men, doesn't mean I think they're confused.

2. Bisexuals are greedy? 
    The fact that this is even something that is said is just moronic. Plenty of straight people are greedy, they have multiple partners even while they are married. Just because an individual finds both sexes attractive does not make them edacious it makes them open to what everyone has to offer. 

3. Bisexuals that are in relationships are not Bisexuals!
    Sorry! I have been married going on 8 years and together with my husband going on 10 years,  and I love him with all my heart however I still think women are beautiful. So I'm still Bisexual. I honestly believe that many people take the BI in bisexual literally, they seem to believe the bi means two at a time so if you're in a relationship with one sex than you are either Homosexual or Heterosexual depending on the gender.   

4. Bisexuals are attracted to anything? 
    I think this myth was concocted by those individuals who are just full of themselves. Just because someone tells you "Hey guess what I'm Bisexual", doesn't mean that they have this sudden attraction for you and are gonna make a pass at you. Also as someone recently asked me, just because someone does not mean they will be attracted to children of the same sex, those are pedohiles and they are their own breed of monsters which has nothing to do with a person's sexual preference.   

5. Bisexuality doesn't really exist?
    This myth is perpetuated by those individuals that just can't accept what being bisexual entails, and really that is their problem. It exists, its real, there are people that feel this way and they are not going away. 


In the end I don't think that these myths will ever go away. There will always be something that someone says about someone to change others perceptions because they themselves are uncomfortable with the person or group they are talking about. Being educated is the way to stop these myths from changing the way a group or community is viewed.  



References: 
1. Saint, S. (Dec 5, 2012) Bisexuality: Myths vs. Facts. Video posted to www.Youtube.com.  

Is the "B" in the LGBTQ Community overlooked?

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer or LGBTQ community as been widely active since 1996, and for the most part they have been a community that focuses on obtaining the equality of their members. They are groups of individuals that come together with the main focus of having a community where they can all lean on one another for support. But is that community just as biased against their own members as they claim the outside world is to them?

According to the Human Rights Commission the "B" in the LGBTQ is discriminated against by their own alliance.

                 "Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant. Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs. [...] While bisexuality has often been considered merely a “phase” en route to a stable gay or lesbian orientation, it is also a stable sexual orientation in itself."

So how is it that a community that stresses that they are searching for equality, for the need to be just like everyone else can look at members of their own society with such disdain and discomfort? Should it matter that bisexuals do not know what gender they love at any given moment? 

According to Romi Klinger who is a cast member on the reality television show "The Real L Word" which airs on Showtime, she saw the discrimination in her group of friends after beginning a relationship with a man. 

It would seem that the issues for some lesbians and gays is that bisexuals get to enjoy not only both genders but they also walk that fine line of being accepted as normal when they enjoy in relationships with the opposite sex. While also being a part of the movement which the LGBTQ is so proud of establishing. In my research it has also been said that bisexuals themselves are to blame for the way they are seen, because so many bisexuals stay in the closet and do not come out as bisexuals they themselves cause the hostility that they receive from the LGBTQ. 

        "More out bisexuals would mean less of that bisexual invisibility that bisexuals are always complaining about. If more bisexuals were out, more straight people would know they actually know and love sexual minorities, which would lead to less anti-LGBT bigotry generally, which would be better for everyone. But people get to make their own choices, and lots of bisexuals choose not to be out. While I'm willing to recognize that the reluctance of many bisexuals to be out may be a reaction to the hostility they face from non-bisexuals, gay and straight, bisexuals need to recognize that their being closeted is a huge contributing factor to the hostility they face."


Funny how this is said about bisexuals but when gay and lesbians are in the closet they are coddled and basically nurtured out of the closet because forcing the issues for them could be detrimental to their future. 

That is not to say that all of the LGBTQ community are this way, just like not all of the straight community look at gays and lesbians in a negative manner. However I do think that the lesbian and gay community should be held to a higher level of acceptance when they are dealing with individuals that are supposed to be members of their own community, because if not they are just like the individuals which they call ignorant and closed minded. 




References:
1. Ethington, E. (March 15, 2011). New report highlights discrimination against bisexuals by both gays and straights. LGBTQNATION. March 17, 2013. http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/03/new-report-highlights-discrimination-against-bisexuals-by-both-gays-and-straights/. 

2. Walkley, A.J, Kinsey Michelle, Lauren. (December 28, 2012). Bi the Bi: Are Closeted Bisexuals the Reason for Bi Invisibility?. Huffington Post Gay Voices. March 17, 2013. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bi-the-bi-are-closeted-bisexuals-the-reason-for-bi-invisibility_b_2365117.html?utm_hp_ref=bisexual 

    

Yes I am Bisexual

I never gave much thought to the way I felt towards both females and males growing up. I knew that I found girls pretty as a child and that you really weren't supposed to feel that way, was I ashamed of it? No,but it wasn't something I openly shared either. Going to the all girl Cathedral High School in NYC, I was opened to a new world were there were females who were interested in other females and weren't scared to let anyone else know. I however was honestly going through way to much in my family life in my freshman and sophomore years of high school to even fathom the idea of dating anyone let alone a girl. It wasn't until my second attempt at sophomore year at Bronx Leadership Academy in Bronx, NY where the realization that liking females was more than just something weird about me. 

Teresa was the name of the first girl that I ever kissed, and although it was on a dare, it was incredible. Until then nothing came as naturally to me has that did. Teresa and I attempted somewhat of a relationship, however Teresa wasn't the type of girl that wanted to stick to one person, although we stayed friends I never lost the attraction I had to her. I went on in my high school life and attempted one or two relationships with males.

During my senior year I met a girl named Lisa, I had previously been introduced to her but never really gave it much thought because it was one of those quick introductions. When we met the second time around though, she immediately became one of my close friends and someone I saw on a daily basis. I got to know Lisa and began to have feelings for her. Something that I never told her because Lisa had her girlfriend and was very committed to her. It was a feeling I only shared with my best friend and didn't really see the option of acting on. 

Life than took me by surprise and I met my husband Ralphy. I fell in love with him and have built a happy life, one that I wouldn't change for the world. We have two beautiful children together and we continue to take life one day at a time and enjoy the love we have together. I have never hidden my feelings for women from my husband, he knows that I find women attractive and I have even told him on a few occasions that if anything would happen to our marriage he would be the last man I would be with. He finds it funny when I say this but for me he is he only man for me literally.

Being Bisexual hasn't had any serious effect on my life. I never really saw it as a determinant to my happiness. I have heard the sayings "Bisexuals are greedy", "They need to pick a side", or "They are just going through a phase". I was never confused or felt the need to go from one sex to the other, I just found attraction and love for people that have come into my life no matter the gender.